Salaam...

since last Saturday, I've been browsing through this journal of mine and was surprised to find that I had began writing way back in 2002. That makes this journal almost 7 years old. That is a surprisingly long time. I read my earliest entries and found myself chuckling at the writings of a very immature 14-year-old. Musings of an angsty and trying-to-be-cool 16-year-old. My emotional and confusing JC days. And of course the difficult times of starting university when everything felt out of place. It seems that this paragraph cannot encompass the 7 years of history.

At times, I even found myself forgetting events which I had claimed happened in my entries. I found myself feeling happy, feeling sad, feeling remorse and anger at many of the entries. But at the same time, I found that I didn't need the entries any longer.

InsyaAllah, with His blessings, perhaps this is what they call coming of age. Where you don't need your past to describe, illustrate and accompany you any longer. We take the good, we leave the bad, and for what we cannot remember, if it had been significant, Allah would have it impact me stronger.

No more lasting impressions. I find myself reminiscing events which are more recent and more meaningful. And as such, like many others have done, I bid this journal goodbye. Not because I am jumping on the bandwagon, but perhaps it is better that I not lug the sadness and the heaviness of memories which should remain in Pandora's Box.

Of course, I've gotten over those. It's just that, perhaps, if I kept all these locked somewhere safe in Cyberspace, where people whom have just known me may never reach, it would be better. Not because I want to hide any secrets, but because who I am today is not who I am yesterday. InsyaAllah, it would always be someone better that the someone yesterday. I find myself rambling here, maybe because I feel a little heavy-hearted. But I think I need to do this.

Ya Allah, May You constantly guide us on the right path and may You continuously shower us with Your Barakah in all that we do. So that we will be Khaira Ummah. Bless us with offsprings and spouses, companions and a community of love, peace-loving, and those that will bring us the best in this life. Without Your blessings, Ya Allah, we are not who we are.

Just for your information, arista_desiree never meant anything. :) I pieced them together when I saw these two names put together when a pile of CDs fell on top of one another. My dad was smarter, and said arista stood for a-rising-star. I thought that was cool. And desiree...well she was a singer. -shrugs-

11 June 2008, Wednesday. 12.41p.m.
Assalamualaikum Warahmatullahi Wabarakatuh


You can find me at ila-inayah.livejournal.com :)) Do change your links.

Salaam...

what a lazy Monday. It seems that the energy and zest I had for the past few weeks running through my veins and driving me have finally dissipated. I had such a fulfilling week if I may say so myself, and as someone said after the dinner was over, you don't feel tired until everything is done. My duties during the dinner can be counted on my fingertips, so I can only half-imagine how the rest, who had so much more to do, are feeling right now. But syukur Alhamdulillah, in all our tiredness and happiness, we mustn't forget that if Allah SWT had not permitted the dinner to happen or ran the way it did, we would not have had a 21st anniversary dinner. Alhamdulillah to Allah the Exalted for being with all of us everyday.

On another note, my lazy days cannot pile up because...

EU4RIA IS FLYING OFF TO SIHANOUKVILLE, CAMBODIA, IN 21 DAYS!

And as I speak, it is down to 20 days. My goodness, masyaAllah. I can feel it. I can just feel the heat, the excitement, the adrenaline. Looking back at all the work that my programmers have done, and have yet to get done, I'd say that things look fine. But we all know that long-distance planning can only be properly executed when one gets there and sees the situation itself.

Sometimes I do lapse into moments of desperation and dread, because I am so scared. It's more than just one instance, and Allah has made all of us experience emotions to understand life better. I feel scared when I know things may be hard, or when things can get out of control, or not go the way I want. All of us have felt that way before. But I remember Allah when I am scared and I feel happy. I feel happy because He is the one who will be there for me, and He will help me. And whatever that will happen has been decided by Him and insyaAllah it will be the best for all of us. Challenges are meant to be overcome and we wouldn't be able to do it without His help masyaAllah.

I admit I still feel a little scared today, but Allah has made my willpower stronger. I will fight on, we will fight on no matter. InsyaAllah.

Dear Allah, please give me the strength. Just like how You have made so many things possible to happen, and it amazes me to no end. Ameen.

Salaam...

An advice that someone who means a lot to me always gives me is to look up at the ceiling when you are lying on your bed, after a long, tiring and perhaps emotionally draining day, and smile. Smile to Him who is constantly watching over you, aware of every single heartbeat inside of you, every single heartbeat and every thought in your brain. Smile, because despite all the difficulties, despite all the people who may desert you, despite the whole world that may be against you, He is the only one who stays behind to look after you and to give you peace. He is the one who gives you the alms, the gifts of everyday life, the only ones who listen to your secret thoughts and never retorts or interrupts what you say. He listens intently and He gives advice in the most unexpected of signs. And though we fear Him, it is not the kind of fear which fills us with terror, but a beautiful, sad and poignant fear of the fact that we may have done many things that may stop or hinder us from ever meeting Him, and see His Everlasting and Majestic Face.

I feel sad today and disappointed. But all I can say is Alhamdulillah because I know that every sad event brings my imaan a step higher. Every tribulation gives me more opportunities to discover my flaws and rectify them; to see in truer light my weaknesses and to realize who I really am as a person.

In Surah Al-'Alaq, Allah SWT says in ayat 6 and 7:

6: Nay, but man doth transgress all bounds,
7: In that he looketh upon himself as self-sufficient.

It's true, isn't it? When we are blessed with skills, capability and power, we sometimes forget who provides us with that power, and places us in the position. We sometimes forget that these blessings are not for us alone, but for the benefit of other people. That we are in a position of capacity puts us in a position to help the less capable. It is not for pride's sake. When an event or something that was planned has taken place successfully, it is not only the person in charge of it who made the success, but it is the contributions from all those in the group and especially the blessings of Allah who willed it to happen.

I believe that Allah has reasons for me to feel sad today, and that He made me to be a person who is sensitive to the things around me. Perhaps I'm supposed to see things from a different perspective, since He has made so many kinds of people. Different people, various knowledge, sharing and contributing together.

For tonight, I really wish I had better words to describe how I feel inside. I have none, but my thoughts. I am sure He is listening to me and I know that I don't need anything to be near Him. There is always a meaning behind any of this, and nothing comes easy for any of us, because we are created to learn.

I wish I could be as mature, as mentally and emotionally-balanced as many individuals that I have met thus far. I find them such role models, being able to put many things on their plate without compromising much else. Of course, it is easier said than done, easier to watch than experience. But who wouldn't want to reach such a level of wisdom and ability, to reach greater heights in finding spiritual success? MasyaAllah.

I'll leave with a few excerpts from surah Luqman (31):
16 - "O my son!" (said Luqman), "If there be (but) the weight of a mustard-seed and it were (hidden) in a rock, or (anywhere) in the heavens or on earth, God will bring it forth: for God understands the finest mysteries, (and) is well-acquainted (with them).

This ayat gives me a lot of hope and comfort knowing that Allah knows all that we have done, good and bad, and that He sees, blesses and understands all that we do in ways that human beings cannot.

22 - Whoever submits his whole self to God, and is a doer of good, has grasped indeed the most trustworthy hand-hold: and with God rests the End and Decision of (all) affairs.

This ayat, too, makes me stronger because it means that by being with Allah, I have held onto the strongest of belief and the strongest lifeline.

MasyaAllah.

Wallahu'alam,
Nabila

Salaam...

I'm really so tired. I really work hard. But masyaAllah, the lengths that Allah has made me go through emotionally and psychologically can make me cry.

For this whole week, I have no tolerance for people who don't value others. Because I value others, I know that sometimes others don't see my point of view. But I just wish that something would make them realize that there are others who need more than what they do. Be it emotionally, psychologically, or physically. We are such a pampered group of people, we have failed to realize that our Ummah is supposed to be the best; the one to uphold the values, the one who goes all the way to seek His redha, the one who helps other people.

But right under my noses are people who only care for themselves. Who only care about the minute details in life and who proselytize how we should all live our lives.

We need to stop pandering the egos of people who don't deserve our attention. We need to stop making them feel better about themselves just because we feel that we are in a weaker position to do anything. It's high time that we work together to stop these little, but supposedly powerful, people from eating out of the palm of our hands and leaving us with nothing, getting away scot free. See, the world can have thousands, millions of feminists or vocalists like me, but if all of us choose to remain alone in our little sphere, no change can be made.

If we choose to give in to the wrong practices of society, we will never get out of the rut. If we keep fearing what people will think about us, instead of upholding and valuing our own principles which we know is for the good of the Ummah, we can forget about being the best Ummah.

We need to be strong. We need to fight against those who don't understand. The Qur'an is full of stories of how evil, cruel people, throngs of them, were against the teachings of the Prophet SAW but he persevered, and in the event some sacrifices have to be made, but nothing that compromised the teachings of Allah. His people understood his actions. We may think that his circumstances are more vicious than ours; but think. Our actions and aims may be little compared to his, but if these little actions cannot be uphold, we will still be a failure. We will still be accountable for our actions.

Which will you be? A failure of Allah or the supposed failure in your community? We do not live alone, I concede that, but if that community cannot accept us for our differences, then we should leave the community and find comfort in another one. Because Allah, because the Prophet SAW, has taught for so many, many years to uphold good and prevent evil, why should we be one of those who want to do otherwise? Who is more important?


No, more importantly, who is right? Who upholds the truth?

I can answer that. There is no god but Allah and Muhammad SAW is His messenger.

We say this kalimah syahadat everyday. We should practice what we believe in. Surah Al-Ikhlas: Say: Allah, Oh, He is the only One.

We say this everyday. We do. We should practice what we believe in.

If we are right, we should not be afraid to say it. Even more so when we know Allah is on our side.


Wallahu'alam,
Nabila

Salam Alaikum...

It has been a mentally draining period and I'm not alone feeling this sentiment. I have witnessed so many people going all out, working hard and praying for success, insyaAllah. We are working creatures; our minds develop when we do things, when we think. I've been reading this book "Panduan Mencerdaskan Minda" (A Guide to Invigorate the Mind by Siti Nor Bahyah Mahamood and it has offered a lot of insights about how we can train our minds to be healthier, more productive and make us more alert.

I gathered two hadith that were mentioned in the book, relating to thoughts and how they make us better creatures.

"Berfikir sesaat itu lebih baik daripada beribadah sunnat setahun."
(To think for a second is better than a year's worth of obligatory worship.)
Hadis Riwayat Ibnu Hibban

and

"Wahai Abu Zar, tidak dinamakan seseorang itu berakal jika akalnya tidak digunakan untuk berfikir dan tidak ada usaha yang dianggap bermanfaat melainkan berakhlak mulia."
(Oh Abu Zar, an individual is not named intelligent if his mind is not used for thoughts and there is no effort which is beneficial except a pure and sound attitude/personality.)
Hadis Riwayat Al-Baihaqi dan Ibnu Hibban


It seems to me that a good mind, makes a good heart and makes a good person. And we can see from many examples; Gandhi, Mother Theresa, Buddha and the Al-Ameen Rasulullah SAW. These people were smart, intelligent and acquired a lot of knowledge in their lifetimes. Mother Theresa was a teacher and a learned nun, Buddha was a religious scholar who attained enlightenment after many years of being a disciple, Gandhi was a barrister and studied law at University College London (though he was a rather mediocre student) but gained a lot of knowledge by studying his people and became one of the most vocal political and spiritual leader in history. The Prophet SAW? Enough said. The wahyu and the fact that he was able to recite the Qur'an without actually knowing how to read and write is evidence of Allah's gift of abundant knowledge upon him. MasyaAllah. All these people used the knowledge that they have to attempt to make their world a better place.

Of course, there are people who use knowledge to forward negative causes, but there are simply too many examples in the world today that show these people end up in destruction. Haven't we heard of those people who "think too much" but never turned their words into actions? Or those who think about things very subversively and have no sound reason or logic, and hurts others through their knowledge?

It is important that we surround ourselves with people who we think are smarter and more knowledgeable than us. Of course, we are not brought into this world to always be mild-hearted; but we must learn from those who have been there, done that, and know those. As the Malay proverb has it, "berkata dengan yang tahu, berjalan dengan yang pandai" (talk with the knowledgeable and walk with the clever).

Nonetheless, there are times when even the cleverest can be unmotivated. The Rasul SAW himself felt down once when he gave an order to his Sahaabats, but none took his heed to shave their heads. In the end, it was his wife who suggested that he started first so that the rest will follow. Even the most knowledgeable can sometimes weaken, because we are all humans.

At the same time, faltering does not mean that we are a failure. It is just Allah's way to show us that we need to take pride in what we do and sometimes mistakes just make things sweeter, or become the cause to do something better.

Anyway, I'm writing all these to remind myself of my weaknesses and of course to share with my dear readers the beauty of thinking. So today was one of those days I felt unmotivated. Started yesterday actually, because I was in pain the whole day due to my tetanus jab. I even got a fever from it the same night, masyaAllah. I woke up this morning feeling horrid that I did not wake up for tahajjud and was not able to email the sisters before subuh. I thought I had broken an amanah and I felt really horrid.

After rushing through my work, I rushed to my dental appointment at the clinic near my house. The first thing the dentist said was "Oh dear, the last time you were here was 2 years ago! A lot of work to be done!" The thing about my teeth is that it's not level so a lot of plaque gets stuck and builds up into hard, horrid tartar. (EWWW) And I was really shocked that it was really two years ago. Thus, on the way back home, I was chiding myself. This clinic has not shifted its place for so many years yet I choose to ignore its presence and choosing to destroy my gums (which is already an amanah from Allah that I take care of it because it will help me eat and chew my food better!). And you know the phrase "All that is good comes from Allah and all that is bad comes from Mankind's shortcomings." It's true isn't it?

When things are good, especially when not much was being done by us and the fortune takes us by surprise, we still love to take the credit. But when things are bad, it's always always because of our own misgivings and shortcomings. The tartar on my teeth is a sign from God that I had been negligent in taking care of the most basic parts of my body. What makes me think that by not taking care of it, I can do other things better?

It's amazing that this short trip to the dentist (barely 15 minutes) can turn me into a motivated, spirited individual. It makes me feel that difficulties are just that, difficulties; something to overcome, something that will pass, something that challenges you to bring out the best in you. We shouldn't complain when we get challenged because there are always gifts that He brings and puts in all the challenges that come our way. Don't we always learn something after something major has happened? Don't we always count our blessings after hearing about another person's misfortunes? Don't we always feel more appreciative of things, even if it's just for one second, when something else has been taken away from us? I think challenges will continue coming because He wants us to experience the beauty of Syukur and Alhamdulillah. Because if there were no challenges, there's no purpose to continue living. And when "bad" or "undesirable" things happen to us, human nature has it that we will complain and grumble. But for once, let's take a step back.

Is there a sign He is showing us? Is there something that we are not doing right, that should be rectified? Have we offended anyone in that simple speech we made 2 minutes ago which we thought was fine, dandy and fantastic? MasyaAllah... that's the beauty of thinking. Of thoughts. We are challenged and Allah gives us brains to think about that challenge. In fact, everything we do is a challenge, from having to type till the end of the sentence, to walk to the kitchen, to conduct a meeting and to start a family.

After every challenge we have accomplished, why is it that we say Alhamdulillah? Because we have managed to accomplish one thing that Allah has ordained us to do. And even more Alhamdulillah for abled people like us. The disabled takes so much longer to complete their task and their challenge is even harder. We may laugh at them or sympathize but have we ever thought that they have gained so much more than us in the journey of learning? MasyaAllah...

Writing this has made me feel so much better. It was a challenge that I completed, Alhamdulillahi rabbil'alamin.

Perhaps being sick was a sign from Allah to me to take a rest. As a friend had put it yesterday, her getting chicken pox was a blessing in disguise because she got to rest. She was forced to rest and Allah is telling her that she has not been taking care of her body. She needs to rejuvenate so that she can continue.

I always believe that to be busy, to do work, are all forms of ibadah but we must be healthy to do ibadah. Only then can we reap the benefits.

Wallahu'alam bissawab.


Wassalam,
Nabila

Salam Alaikum...

Was reading the words of a fellow brother and thought I'd share them with you :) It struck me as very apt...

"Ikhlas itu kunci keberhasilan." (Sincerity is the key to productivity) - Hasan Al Banna

[More about Hasan Al Banna can be found here: http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Hassan_al_Banna]


Menurut Ali radhiyallahu 'anhu ada empat momen kebaikan tertentu yang paling berat dilakukan. Yakni, mema'afkan ketika marah, berderma katika pailit, menjaga diri dari dosa (iffah) ketika sendirian, dan menyampaikan kebenaran pada orang yang ditakuti atau diharapkan.

Translation: According to Ali R.A., the are four moments of good which are hard to accomplish. I.e. to forgive when angry, to donate when lacking in fortunes, to protect self from sins when alone, and to tell the whole truth to a person you fear or you depend on.

Salaam...

I've just plowed through a horde of blogs that I usually frequent. Usually they are the blogs of my friends who are on exchange. I just discovered a few of them went for exchange and I never knew they did, and somehow it irked me that I never noticed. Comm Studies is a small faculty and this semester really made me feel lonely at certain periods of time; when I did ISP, I told myself that I would have to trust people I don't know and never worked with to ask for help. I mean, we all know how Erwin Nah is the Master of All Electronic Systems and I, too, over-depend on him for his Great Knowledge and Skills in Electronic Arts. (guffaws). But anyway, I remember reading their pioneer entries, about how they cannot wait to leave Singapore 4 months back. Now, so many of them are coming back home. And I can sense a certain... reluctance to leave but also the strong, strong urge to come back. Some even wanted to come back and would prefer to label their experience in the "other" country as "different". Some said that they discovered there are lands beyond Woodlands Checkpoint and Changi International Airport and they relish the ordered things back home, because it is just familiar, than having to make new friends, friends who are even more different than the multi-racial landscape back in Singapore.

Anyway, my point is, I guess we are all fortunate enough to feel belonged in some place. Whether we are from Indonesia, Iran, China, India, there's a need to go home. It is amazing isn't it, that Allah SWT placed us on different locations on Earth but ordained that we meet and converge some place else. Or that people are brought to us, especially if we have no resources to travel on our own. Some people asked me why I never went on Exchange and my reply has always been "I never found the need to." I have my family to take care of, I need to work to sustain myself, and I need to know my school better. Allah had it that I met NTUMS (oh how romantic :P) and now, I am going on a personal exchange to Cambodia. So I guess in this global times, even if we don't travel, travel will come to us. I have so many international friends over the Internet, and on has already become so intimate and close despite the distance between us.

My mother was commenting that day how come there are so many Asians in Singapore. There has been an increase in the number of Pinoy, Chinese and American PRs. I meet so many as well during my stints in CTW every holiday and at times I feel blessed that I get to go out and meet so many different people without even having to travel. It is amazing to be able to teach kids of different nationalities while still retaining my identity. In short, I am glad they came to our country.

Yet Allah is fair and amazing in that He gives every one different rezekis, or different fortunes. While we have a nation that has paved a lot of things for us, there is high competition. People are rarely patriotic or rather closet to be so. People complain all the time and customer service here is bad streak. Yet, over in some parts of India, where disasters abound, people have no hesitations to sing their national anthems in heavy rain, has nothing to be ashamed off despite their meagre and simple conditions. Look at the Indonesians. They come over to Singapore and they ensure that they never forget their roots. They uphold their cultural dances, their cultural practices, their PINTU and KUNTUM and what-have-yous. They ensure that they stay strong and united, and together in a foreign environment so that they can thrive as an individual and as a community. How many of us Singaporeans will actually do all that, going beyond weekly meetings in a foreign context, to actually stay together?

There have been many times when I talked to international brothers and sisters, and they all say the same thing about Singapore. "Oh you guys are very lucky. So many things come to you. Even if things are difficult, there are ways to fight the system. For us, we are always in a battle and sometimes we don't know what our future will be."

I hope that at least, being in a country where people from all nationalities come to us, we can take away some lessons for the future. Some of us will meet spouses who will want to live overseas, and perhaps these lessons and bonds that we have made with foreigners here in Singapore can be put to good use, can be utilized well, when we venture overseas. Some of us will continue staying here till the day we die, for many reasons, either because there are simply so many things to do here that can never be accomplished. There are so many people to serve over here, to bring forward, that perhaps going overseas may not be a very realistic option in such situations. But nonetheless, let us not put people in categories and push them aside because they are different. Think global and act local.

Verse of the day:

I was just thinking about the environment the other day and chanced upon Surah ar-Rahman (ayat 7 to 12):

And the sky, Allah has elevated it and set the balance.

That you may not transgress in the balance.

And keep up the weight with justice, and shorten not the weight.

And the earth, He has laid for the creatures.

There in are fruits and palm trees with sheaths.

And grain with husk and fray. rant flowers.

Which then, of the favours of your Lord wills O Jinn and men you twain will deny?


MasyaAllah...

I guess many of us have heard about cyclone Narqis in Myanmar. I have been to Myanmar once, back in JC 2, to interact with orphans, especially monk orphans. When I was there, I was 17 and now I'm 21. 4 years have passed, and so many of those young orphans, most who stayed in Yangon, must be adolescents now. I will never know where they are, and their charming and sweet faces, tanned brown from the sun, and their bald heads and cheeky smiles, still shine brightly in my heads. And deep down inside, they are no different from the children that I will insyaAllah have some day. I wonder where they are now, and if they have enough food to eat, and whether they have a safe place to stay. Wallahu'alam, only Allah knows where they are. That we are made different, does not mean that we are utterly different. The value of mankind still stands; we all appreciate the same basic needs and we all need the same necessities. Yet, He has made us grow up in different backgrounds and made us meet. I still find that amazing, wonderful and unfathomable, masyaAllah. Only He knows... only He knows...


Wassalam,
Nabila

Salaam Alaikum...

I have nothing much to put down in words. It's just that I am very grateful to Allah SWT for choosing me to be one of the few people to attend yesterday's camp. Although it was yesterday, it feels so surreal. I felt that we were all plucked out from civilization and placed in a retreat-like location, to be dipped in ice cold water, to bring us back to reality, to our original state. To accomplish all that we have been given the amanah to accomplish, even before we were brought into this world; the amanah that has been ordained to us when we were facing Allah before coming into this world, where we wholeheartedly and sincerely acknowledged His greatness and that He is the only one we acknowledge as the One and Only True God. MasyaAllah. MasyaAllah. MasyaAllah.

Today is Mothers' Day. But the fact that today is a new day that Allah has allowed me to live in, to fulfill the amanah as a human being, I am glad and I am grateful. Ironically, today was the first time all in my family met together to go for a lovely lunch, Alhamdulillah, and to visit my grandmother in Toa Payoh. I always tell myself that I should always be grateful. I saw a few foreign sisters cry yesterday during Bro Helmi's exercise and my heart ached putting myself in their shoes; how hard it must be to be going to a foreign land, not knowing anyone familiar, not having family tangible in front of their eyes.

Things like these always make me feel sad and disappointed at myself. When a brother revealed that his mother had passed away, my heart ached even more. How very little we know of other people, but how quickly we judge. Intelligence, beauty, sincerity, knowledge, and all that make us human and all that place us on positions in this world relative to others (which we use to judge others even though we shouldn't) can never be measured tangibly. [With reference to Al-Hujurat, Ayat 11 - 12: "O ye who believe! Let not some men among you laugh at others: It may be that the (latter) are better than the (former): Nor let some women laugh at others: It may be that the (latter) are better than the (former): Nor defame nor be sarcastic to each other, nor call each other by (offensive) nicknames: Ill seeming is a name connoting wickedness, (to be used by one) after he has believed: and those who do not desist are (indeed) doing wrong."

"O ye who believe! Avoid suspicion as much (as possible): for suspicion in some cases is a sin: and spy not on each other, nor speak ill of each other behind their backs. Would any of you like to eat the flesh of his dead brother? Nay, ye would abhor it...but fear Allah: for Allah is oft-Returning, Most Merciful."].

It is only when we know others, truly, with sincerity, with the love for each other that Allah has bestowed us with, that we can learn to love and know other people better. It reminds me about a conversation that I had in secondary school about 5 years ago. There was a relief teacher who came to my class and she sat down with a few of us at the back to talk. Perhaps because I was much younger and less aware of my words, I instantaneously told her that she must have come from a girls' school. She asked me why. I told her that she had the "girls' school" look; outspoken, vocal, loud and articulate. She didn't answer my question but instead she told all of us that stereotypes are an easy tool to make you feel safe. When you box people up into categories, you seem to see yourself and where you stand with regards to other people, not knowing that you have imposed your own standards (which may not be truthful and fair to other people) in looking at others.

And that is a sad, sad thing. Because you may miss out an important piece of knowledge, a crucial lesson or something valuable only Allah knows what, because you choose to distant yourself from some people while glorifying others. It reminds me of the words of one of the brothers who came to give some lectures, either Bro Hilmi or Bro Nailul, who mentioned something about boxing people up. I must remind myself to not even do the slightest bit of that. Ameen, may Allah hear my prayers.

Another thing that I realized is that the amanah of a leader is great. And since everyone of us is and will be leaders all of our lives, be it of our families, of our community, of any positions that we hold during our vocation no matter how small, it is an amanah that we must uphold and must make sure that we carry it off well. However, there are a chosen few who have been chosen by Allah, masyaAllah, to carry on the bigger and more serious duties, or at least have reached a higher level of the responsibility to do da'awah. For them, I give a thousand prayers and more that Allah will support you, bless you with barakah and rahmat, and help you along the way. It is heartening to see leaders who seem to have the luxury of time in the midst of very little time to come down to talk to us about things in life which we take for granted; even as simple as explaining a team-building game. It is heartening to see alumni brothers and sisters coming back to share experiences, and it makes you feel less isolated, and stronger to experience all the hardships you think you have, because there were people who experienced them before you. My heart is overwhelmed with emotions right now, and all I can say is that, I pray Allah azza wa jal will help you along the way to bring brothers and sisters together in the future, and insyaAllah to meet once again in the Hereafter.

Tears have been shed last night, and much contributed by myself. Astaghfighullah, how weak and various are my shortcomings, how little I have done as a khalifah and how scared I am that I will "screw up" in the midst of my future responsibilities. MasyaAllah, Allah azza wa jal, ya Rabbal'alamin, how great You are and how small I am. I seek forgiveness for all those times I have been selfish, when I was insincere, when I had sinned greatly, when I had done many things to bring your wrath - and yet You, Allah the Exalted, always, always gave me more. Gave us more. Gave us a lot. If all the trees were pens and all the oceans were ink, no one will be able to draw or write all Your nikmah and all that You have done and all that You know, masyaAllah.

Dan sesungguhnya, cinta yang paling murni adalah cinta yang dibenarkanMu ya Allah, sayang yang diizinkanMu ya Rabb. Dan diriku ini belum cukup sempurna tetapi Kau telah berikan cinta kepadaku ya Allah ya Rabbi. Sungguh percayakah Engkau kepada diriku ini ya Allah? Aku terima amanahMu ya Allah tetapi yang baik datang hanya dari Engkau dan sesungguhnya aku adalah manusia yang paling lemah, dan paling kurang akhlakku, dan sesungguhnya segala yang buruk datang dari kekuranganku sendiri. Namun, Kaulah yang Maha Pengasih dan Maha Mengetahui, dan sesungguhnya aku amat mengharap keredhaanMu, agar kau akan selalu menanamkan kasih sayang, keimanan dan ketaqwaan dalam hati-hati ini, dan semoga cinta ini akan berlanjutan kerana cinta kami kepadaMu ya Allah dan bukan kerana harta, kebendaan dan kegemilangan dunia. Semoga kau merestui cinta kami dan akan selalu memberkahi cinta ini.

Kerana kau suatu pinjaman, kuharap kau pinjaman yang lama buatku. semoga kaulah nikmat Allah bagiku untuk aku menjadi orang yang lebih baik dan sempurna.

For tonight, I am speechless. Maybe I will forever be.


Wassalam,
Nabila Hanim

Salaam...

If you're like me and into arabic songs + little kids, enjoy these videos! :D


Nancy Ajram - Shakhbat Shakhabeet, Katkout & Shater


Baba Fain - apparently it's very popular in Arab... but the dancing kids disturb me... I just don't like to look at kids dancing... weirdly? Haha :D


Anyway, if you are thinking of how to test your kids in their maths (not sure about English and Science), http://studenthub.sg provides free Mathematics online practices (well you could always use the questions and make it into a worksheet for your kids) for students. Tutors and teachers are welcome to be members as well, hehe. :)

Salaam Alaikum...

I must remind myself, masyaAllah, that nothing comes easy. Nothing is predictable and we can never know what happens later today, tomorrow and the day after. Allah will will whatever to happen, and it is only His right to do so. I must remind myself that every nikmah, every single thing that I want to attain in this life, must be work hard for. And every step along the way must be accompanied with supplications for His blessings, for the hope that it will be beneficial for Earth and the Hereafter.

I must also remind myself that if Allah has willed that I cannot have what or who I want so badly to have, then I have to accept the fact. I must redha to his qada' and qadar and I must redha and tawakkal that He knows what's best for me.

"...be mindful of Allah, you'll find him before you. Get to know Allah in prosperity and He will know you in adversity. Know that what has passed you by wasn't going to befall you; and that what has befallen you wasn't going to pass you by. And know that victory comes with patience, relief with affliction, and ease with hardship."
(related by Tirmidzi)

If I have already put in the effort in obtaining what I want, and I still am not able to obtain it, there must be something else for me. And I have faith that even if it is me against the world, the only one who will be my everlasting companion is He. Not anyone else. That even if He afflicts me with the most painful of experiences, His affliction is His everlasting love. While others may not be able to see or feel our pain, He knows what we are going through. He knows every single activity in our bodies, He knows every single thoughts in our brain, He knows our intentions in our hearts.

"and we certainly create man and we know his soul whisper to him. We are nearer to him than his life vein." Qaf, 16

On the authority of Abu Hurairah, who said that the Prophet (peace and blessings be upon him) said : Allah said:

" I am as My servant thinks I am. I am with him when he makes mention of Me. If he makes mention of Me to himself, I make mention of him to Myself. And if he makes mention of Me in an assembly, I make mention of him in an assembly better than it. And if he draws near to Me a hand's span, I draw near to him an arm's length. And if he draws near to Me an arm's length, I draw near to him a fathom's length. And if he comes to Me walking, I go to him at speed."
(Hadist Qudsi: Bukhari, Muslim, Tirmidhi, Ibn Majah)

So, I must not complain in adversity. It is fitrah to feel sad, to feel disappointed, but I need to move on if that ever happens. Because Allah knows what's best for me, He has written what is best for me. And I need to work harder in my doas, in my ibadahs, in my amalans, in my daily demeanor and interactions with the people around me, to obtain His blessings. I need to accept realities as it is. And as long as I have not worked hard for something, Allah will ensure that I don't deserve it, or that I don't see the hikmah behind it.


Astaghfighullah.. Sesungguhnya, aku adalah orang yang bertuah. Dan sentiasa, aku lupa untuk bersyukur.

MasyaAllah. Dear God, protect me from and guide me with all that I don't know of..


Wassalam..

Salaam...

I found this article written by a Muslim brother from Cairo on the community Muslims (http://community.livejournal.com/muslims)

Food for thought and introspection yeah, insyaAllah. :)

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Al-Masih Al-Dajjal (The Anti-Christ)
I was reading an earlier post when i realized that we didn't mention Al-Dajjal enuogh although it's something that every muslim must know.



Al-Masih Al-Dajjal (The Anti-Christ)

One of the prominent events preceding the Day of Judgement is the appearance of Dajjal. We have been apprised of many aspects of Dajjal both in the Qur'an and the Ahadis. In fact, the Muslims have been more informed about the Dajjal by the prophet Muhammad (SAWS) than previous nations by their respective prophets.

Imraan son of Hussain (ra) relates that, "I heard Prophet Muhammad (SAWS) saying: "Since the birth of Adam till the advent of Qiyaamah there is no fitnah (evil, test) much greater than that of the Dajjal."



Description of Al-Dajjal :

Dajjal will be a Jew. His distinguishing feature is that he will be one-eyed and the word “Kafir” or “unbeliever” will be written on his forehead.

‘Dajjal will be blind in one eye’. This blind eye will be swollen like a grape : There will be a thick finger-like object in his eye. Kafir كافر will be written on his forehead (meaning - Unbeliever). Every Muslim will be able to read these letters whether he is literate or illiterate. He will travel at great speeds by means of a gigantic animal-like a mule. (MUSLIM & AHMAD).


His Followers:

Narrated by Anas ibn Malik (radiAllahu anhu) Prophet Muhammad (SAWS) said:
“The Dajjal would be followed by seventy thousand Jews of Isfahan wearing Persian shawls. “
[Sahih Muslim #7034]



Note: A Persian Shawl looks like this :






Other non-believers and hypocrites will follow him as well.

Narrated by Anas bin Malik (radiAllahu anhu), Prophet Muhammad (SAWS) said:
"Ad-Dajjal will come and encamp at a place close to Madinah and then Madinah will shake thrice whereupon every Kafir (disbeliever) and hypocrite will go out (of Medina) towards him."
[Sahih Al-Bukhari, 9.239]


The main thing to note about Dajjal is that very few people will be able to recognize him. Even those who have been warned about him can easily be misled by his deeds. Therefore, every Muslim has been instructed in the hadith to learn Surah Al-Kahf (Surah no.18, The Cave). The person who knows this surah by heart will be able to recognize Dajjal, by spotting “Kafir” written on his forehead. If someone cannot learn the whole surah, then the first and the last ruku should be learnt and they will suffice as well.

Narrated by Abu Darda (radiAllahu anhu) Prophet Muhammad (SAWS) said,
If anyone learns by heart the first ten verses of the Surah al-Kahf, he will be protected from the Dajjal.
[Sahih Muslim #1766]


The full appearance of Dajjal

Narrated by Ubadah ibn as-Samit (radiAllahu anhu) that Prophet Muhammad (SAWS) said:
“I have told you so much about the Dajjal (Anti-Christ) that I am afraid you may not understand. The Anti-Christ is short, hen-toed, woolly-haired, one-eyed, an eye-sightless, and neither protruding nor deep-seated. If you are confused about him, know that your Lord is not one-eyed.”
[Sunan of Abu-Dawud #4306]



Dajjal will be a powerful personality in this world. He will attract loads of people; his voice will be heard in the East and the West. The latter, given the present day communication technology in the form of satellite television and Internet, doesn’t seem surprising.

The main aim of Dajjal will be to try and convince people that he is God Almighty. He will try and deviate people from the Right Path and join his ranks. To achieve that end and to convince people with true faith, he will kill and then re-create the same person. This will prove to be sufficient to gain him more followers, especially the ones who have weak faith. But we must remember at all times, that he will definitely not be anywhere near God.

Abdul Kareem bin Saleh al Humaid has mentioned in his booklet about Sheikhul Islam who writes about Dajjal as follows:
“Since Dajjal will claim divinity, Prophet Muhammad (SAWS) had informed us of two clear differentiating factors:

1. Dajjal will be one-eyed whereas Allah is not.
2. No-one can see Allah until death. Even though Dajjal will be a kafir, Prophet Muhammad (SAWS) mentioned this because such miraculous feats will be displayed by him, which will strengthen any doubts within the hearts of normal people (regarding him being Allah).”




All those who recognize Dajjal’s true demeanor are warned to stay away from him :

Narrated by Imran ibn Husayn (radiAllahu anhu) that Prophet Muhammad (SAWS) said:
“Let him who hears of the Dajjal (Anti-Christ) go far from him for I swear by Allah that a man will come to him thinking he is a believer and follow him because of confused ideas roused in him by him.”
[Sunan of Abu Dawud #4305]

People are warned to stay away from him mainly because he will create havoc in this world. He will shake the “iman” or “faith” of many, so only those who are firm in their basic Islamic beliefs will be the ones saved from his doings, which have been described in part of Sahih Muslim #7015 as follows:

Thereupon Prophet Muhammad (SAWS) said:
“Like cloud driven by the wind. He will come to the people and invite them (to a wrong religion); they will affirm their faith in him and respond to him. He will then give a command to the sky: there will be rainfall upon the Earth and it will grow crops. Then in the evening, their pasturing animals will come to them with their humps very high, their udders full of milk and their flanks distended. He will then come to another people and invite them. But they will reject him so he will go away from them; they will have a drought and nothing will be left with them in the form of wealth. He will then walk through the desert and say to it: Bring forth your treasures. The treasures will come out and gather before him like a swarm of bees. He will then call someone in the flush of youth, strike him with the sword, cut him into two pieces and (make these pieces lie at the distance which is generally between the archer and his target. He will then call (that young man) and he will come forward laughing with his face gleaming (with happiness).”





How long Al-Dajjal will stay:

The same hadith mentions that Dajjal will stay in this world for forty days. One day out of these forty will be equal to a year, one day equal to a month and one equal to a week. The rest of the days will be like our normal days.

He said: “For forty days, one day like a year, one day like a month, one day like a week, and the rest of the days will be like your days.”
[Sahih Muslim #7015]



Other ahadith tell us that Dajjal will offer to people a choice between a fire and a river. What will appear as a fire to people will in fact be the river and vice versa. Hence Muslims are instructed that if they encounter Dajjal, to select the fire and not the river. The river is going to be the real fire.

Narrated by Hudhaifah (radiAllahu anhu) Prophet Muhammad (SAWS) said about Ad-Dajjal that he would have water and fire with him: (what would seem to be) fire, would be cold water and (what would seem to be) water, would be fire.
[Sahih Al-Bukhari, 9.244]



The only place where he will not be able to enter is Makkah and Madinah.
Narrated by Anas bin Malik (radiAllahu anhu) that Prophet Muhammad (SAWS) said:
"There will be no town which Ad-Dajjal will not enter except Makkah and Madinah, and there will be no entrance (road) (of both Makkah and Madinah) but the angels will be standing in rows guarding it against him, and then Madinah will shake with its inhabitants thrice (i.e. three earthquakes will take place) and Allah will expel all the non-believers and the hypocrites from it."
[Sahih Al-Bukhari, 3.105]





The End of Al-Dajjal:

Dajjal will ultimately be killed by Prophet Isa (Christ) (alayhis salam) at a place called Ludd which is a few miles from Tel Aviv, Palestine. Some of us may have heard of the “Ludd International Airport.” The appearance of prophet Isa (alayhis salam) and his subsequent killing of Dajjal has been mentioned in part of the Sahih Muslim #7015 as follows:

“It will at this very time that Allah will send Christ, son of Mary. He will descend at the white minaret on the eastern side of Damascus, wearing two garments lightly dyed with saffron and placing his hands on the wings of two Angels. When he lowers his head, there will fall beads of perspiration from his head, and when he raises it up, beads like pearls will scatter from it. Every non-believer who smells the odour of his body will die and his breath will reach as far as he is able to see. He will then search for him (Dajjal) until he catches hold of him at the gate of Ludd and kills him.”





Du'a (supplication) within salaat (prayer) :

So this is what basically the Ahadith tell us about Dajjal. What we should do now, is let other people know about Dajjal. And of course start learning Surah Al-Kahf. There is a supplication which Prophet Muhammad (SAWS) used to recite and so should we.

Narrated by Abu Hurairah (radiAllahu anhu) ,Prophet Muhammad (SAWS) used to invoke (Allah):

"Allahummah inni a'udhu bika min 'adhabil Qabri, wa min 'adhabi-naar, wa min fitnatil mahya wa-lmamat, wa min fitnatil masih ad-dajjal.”
(O Allah! I seek refuge with you from the punishment in the grave and from the punishment in the Hell fire and from the afflictions of life and death, and the afflictions of Al-Masih Ad-Dajjal.)
[Sahih Al-Bukhari, 2.459]

"It has been established that Prophet Muhammad (SAWS) had instructed his Companions to recite the following supplication even out of Salat:
O Allah we seek your protection from the punishment of Hell, from the punishment of the grave, from the evils and tribulations of Dajjal and those of life and death."
[Sahih Muslim]

Ibn Taymiyah writes: "This Du'a (supplication) is reported to be recited both within salaat and without. It is a known fact that the things mentioned with protection from Dajjal in this Du'a, like protection from the punishment of Hell and the grave and from the trials of life and death, are things which every person performing salat has been ordained to seek protection from. This is because these things affect every person, and salvation cannot be achieved except by being saved from them.

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Wallahu'alam...

Salaam...

Excuse the hoards of post. There are simply a lot of things on my mind. O_o.

I got a B for my treatment. Another B for genre. Wah God is telling me that my forte is NOT EBM! LOL...

I'm not disappointed but it's just one of the feelings I get from this semester. He's definitely trying to tell me something. :D Even for 206, I got all Bs. Not even a B+ or B-. Woo... simply scary. It's not about the GPA but it's about knowing that you really can't do what you simply love. I love visuals but I guess I'm not good with stories and presentation. Ho Hum... maybe there is a reason why God made me S/U COM225. :P

On another note, this totally reveals a lot of things for me. I've got to review my options, yet again. I've already closed the path for EBM and I'm not sure about PR/Advertising, though I might want to try out Corporate Comm. stuff next sem. But it still bothers me, you know? Trying out something that I don't fancy. But I'll give it a try. I mean, marketing wasn't too bad but I still don't like the idea of the market: who presents better, who says things better, who seems more creative, wins the race. Like, corporate image. But I was thinking I could use some skills there to work with madrasahs or Muslim organizations.

Another thing that has been bugging me is, teaching still seems to be my calling. I know we all say that teaching should not be a dumping ground, but that's where I feel my forte is. I'm surrounded with children: at Children's Tech Workshop, at Speech Inc. (my boss is also a part-time speech therapist. I'm her therapist aide.), I'm going Cambodia to help street CHILDREN, I tutor so many kids, I might be teaching madrasah students soon... and so many of my dreams involve young people, adolescents, children, etc. etc. But anyway, I believe that whatever it is that Allah has planned out for me, insyaAllah it'll be for my best, for my family's best and for the best of what I have planned this life for. At the end of the day, we seek mardhatillah and we want to ensure that we leave this earth with the best knowledge, which is never as much as what knowledge He has. As they say, if all the ocean's an ink and all the soil are pens, they will never be able to pen down all the knowledge that He has created, that He has in store.

Nonetheless, if this calling is right, I pray that I will be happy with His decisions. InsyaAllah. Amin ya rabb. If it's fated that I will be working with children, I can imagine myself happy. And I can imagine myself being a mother to my own children, and at least I've had experience. With all sorts of children. To handle my own.

Amin.

:)

Wassalam,
Nabila Hanim <3

You Are Classical Music

You are a somewhat serious person who enjoys studying subjects deeply. Art of all kinds interests you, and a good piece of art can really effect you emotionally. You are inspired by human achievement, and you appreciate work that takes years to accomplish. For you, the finer things in life are not about snobbery - they're about quality.

What Your Little Black Dress Says About You

You have a flair for the dramatic. You love attention. You feel alive when all eyes are on you... and you definitely love to work a room. Your style is glamourous, over the top, and luxurious. You love to shop, and you have expensive taste. If you were a shoe, you would be: Stilettos

What An Iris Says About You

You are incredibly hopeful and courageous. Even when you've been challenged in life, you have faith that everything will work out. Your feelings run deep, and you are a very grateful person.

This is hilarious!

You Will Not Be a Cool Parent

And that's pretty okay. While your kids may not think of you as a friend, they will respect you. You know that kids need discipline and structure, and you're not afraid to give it to them. Just be careful that your strictness doesn't lead to rebellion. It's good to have standards and rules, but you don't need to have an iron fist when enforcing them.

You Should Play the Saxophone

You are charismatic, friendly, and very uninhibited. You have a lot of personal expression to bring your music. Improvisational and informal, you can't deal with an instrument that has too many rules or complexities. You are much more interested in creating unique solos than immersing yourself in music theory. You have a lot of style, and you definitely are one smooth operator. And while you may not play perfectly, no one's going to accuse you of being boring. Your dominant personality characteristic: being very outgoing Your secondary personality characteristic: your flair for the unique and dramatic

Salaam...

Hmm it feels so strange. I went back to tpjc.net for the fun of it and I decided to look through my inbox for those old, junior college days. Haha... laughed to myself at old messages, old announcements. There were even plans to publish a magazine under MLDDS, I don't even remember that! Expressi or something, lol!

I borrowed books yesterday and to kick start my exercise regime (I've been dormant for far too long) I walked to the library from home, which is about a few kilometers. Next time I go, I'll be jogging there. :D Borrowed a few good books and I've discovered a new Singapore writer favourite: Daren Shiau. Ahh, he's rather zen. And I also found "Singular Stories". It's a very early collection of Singaporean short stories. I kind of love it but I do admit some stories were strange. But nonetheless, I enjoyed those stories and I'm dying to go back to the library for more!

Another thing which cracked my day up yesterday was when I had to plan activities for Eu4Ria for our sponsorship appeal to MCYS, which was indirectly to SDU's Project Network. Anyway, at least 50% of our bonding activities locally and over in Cambodia has to be with the opposite gender. I felt like such a matchmaker, but rest assured I have ensured that we keep our limits with each other to avoid any discomfort. Haha, I mean it will DEFINITELY appear very contrived. But I wouldn't mind seeing a few couples coming out of this expedition and eventually getting together, or even sweeter, getting married -guffaws- Now, now, don't say I gave you ideas but we indeed do have 8 eligible bachelors versus 12 sweet ladies. :P Oh wait, please minus one from each category. You know why. -chuckles-

Oh I'm so naughty. These holidays are begin to feel more than I had bargained for. I'm not a fan of DVDs and I don't have any, anyway, so I have nothing else to do except a lot of housework (which I try to complete before noon everyday), spend time reading around on the computer, read a few books a day (gosh) or go grocery shopping. I'm dying to do some youthful stuff, please, so anyone, just CALL me and let's get it grooving. hurhur. I've started knitting though, but that takes a long time so I usually do that in the evenings. And I really want to stop tutoring; it gets a bit heavy looking at primary school textbooks all the time or having to remember chem and bio off the top of my head without even me wanting to. :P

Argh I am turning into a naggy grandma. I'm going Red Cross now to collect those certs. toodles!


Wassalam,
Nab

Salaam...

to be beautiful, you need to accept beauty. You need to accept the fact that beauty has no limits; it exists as it is. What might be beautiful to me might not appear beautiful to you. But there must be an overlap somewhere between our judgment.

to experience beauty, you need to walk in lightness and dark. You need to experience pain, you need to experience sadness, you need to lose some things. Then when you get them back, they are there, tangible for you to touch and hold, or at least tangible enough for you to sense their presence.

to taste beauty, you must open your mouth and let your tongue loose. You must be willing to eat all that you can, you must be willing to accept bitterness, savour sourness, spray the salts all over your wounded tongue and let the sweetness flow you all over.

to listen to beauty, open your eyes to the most beautiful of songs; the cries of a baby, the howling of the winds, the tinkling of the keys and the singing of the birds.

most importantly, the most beautiful people are those with a beautiful heart. It must be free of black spots, it must be free from dirt, it must flow with healthy, rich, iron-enriched blood. To keep the heart pumping, to keep the body functioning.

and your mind? it must be open wide enough to try to take in what things you can see, what fields you can imagine.

and then you will find that experiencing beauty is to be beautiful, from within.

haven't we met those individuals, who seem to exude beauty even without the sharpest of eyelashes, the smoothest of hairs or the most fashionable of people? that they let of these waves of happiness and beauty, of calmness and peace.

I believe that is what it must feel like to stand beside beautiful people, though of course I never will be able to;
Prophet Muhammad SAW, Prophet Yusuf, Mahatma Ghandi, Mother Teresa.

MasyaAllah. Unimaginable.